then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
And then my night got REAL pukey
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
