just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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