how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
