I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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