If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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