Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
