There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
