People in love make me want to vomit
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Drake has all the answers
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
