They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
