Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i already hear my dad disowning me
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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