I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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