I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
