idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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