What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
