Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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