I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
