You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
