i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
