he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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