your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
me + whiskey = a bad person
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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