Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
