I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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