Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
