I accidentally burped into my bong.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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