I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
