2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
