my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
