There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
