I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My balls are so social today.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
