She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
