How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
