my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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