Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
