she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
