I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
