youre lurking in front of me
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
