Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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