I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
