Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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