Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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