It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
In other news, I just burned my penis
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
