I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
