i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
lol hangovers are for mortals.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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