the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
