My hand turned me down
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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