Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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