She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
