Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
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