why didn't you poke me back
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
