Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
